Neonixehertz.

18.11.09

Hey.
Its been ages.
February to..November. How long is that?
Lazy to count..haha.
i never thought i'd be typing here again.
don't know why i'm here anyway.
"Zul, i know you like to keep things to yourself. You don't like to trouble others. But try to find a way to let those feelings out once in awhile, be it writing a diary or whatsoever. If not, you'll just be putting yourself through unncessary pain. You always help your classmates to feel better when they're down and thats what you tell them, right? So you know these things better. i know you're strong but even the strongest people need to open up sometimes.."
Thats what my teacher said to me 4 years ago..its because i'm somewhat more willing to listen and help others.

When i see them happy, i'll be happy too.Thanks for the compliments, 'cher. haha..
i know i put myself through alot of UNnecessary pain and shit..but its somehow a way for me to feel that i'm still a stable working system although being a dysfunction. And some of the shit i put myself through, i would say they were necessary at that point of time. But even so, i won't write everything down here..or anywhere. Haha.

Am i still me?
Am i still myself?
Am i still the same?
i've always wanted to change for the better.
But these changes are REALLY opening my eyes.
Just when i thought that the turning point of my life at 14 basically shapes myself for who i am today..there would be more to come. Never would i guess its something major or drastic. Changes come in any way and every way. It is up to us to open up to them and accept it or not. It really feels like i'm becoming someone else. Is this what they call 'growing up'? i have no idea..i've never grew up in the first place.

Things happened.
Many things happened.
Too many things happened.
Too many things had happened to be updated here.

First of all, i'd like to say i'm a much more happy person than what i was last time. Realised that i've been down there for too long and i got sick of it. i've always believed in making life better for everyone. No point in staying there without making any effort. So i fought back to pick myself up and now, i feel much better and more lively..In other words, i'm a happier motherfucker lah. Thanks to me being a jap freak in the earlier part of the year..lazy to explain about that..haha.

Next, Lufthansa Technical Training or better known as LTT.
7 months of hell over and done with.

And i passed the exam! WOOOHOOOOO!!!!!
ALHAMDULILLAH! THANK YOU ALLAH! =D
And basically because of that, i'm on cloud 9.
By the time i'm typing this, its been 2 weeks since the results were out.
But i'm still on cloud 9 and i can't get down. (=
Out of LTT. Like a release from a prison i didn't knew i was in.

In the 7 months of LTT, i've cut all my ties with TP and Engine since i know i was gonna be occupied with all those Aerospace shit and stuff. i intended to return someday though..when i'm done with LTT. But when i came back, i felt so lost. i didn't even feel like a part of TP or Engine anymore. Almost all the oldbirds that i know and used to hang out with have graduated and all i see are new people and new faces. LTT started during April Week 0..so, i missed my chance of getting to know the new people. Heart pain sia see everyone happy2 cheer2 like mad people while i already started school. Heart pain heart pain..really pain. Not only did i missed my chance to meet and make new friends, i also missed the opportunity to go through week 0 with the oldbirds as well. It was their last week 0 as a TP student. Not only April week 0 didn't get to go..October week 0 also cannot go. Why? LTT haven't finish. While people have 2 months of holidays, we're still schooling and only have a week of rest before the October semester starts. Nice huh? Dammit dammit..

So sad i wasn't able to be there for them. i only know that the next turn..is mine. But the thought just stops there.Coming back as a normal TP student, i can finally wear 'civilian clothes' again..haha.

Wah shit, so many new ppl. i dont know them. Not to mention they dont even hear about me before..but thats bcz i prefer to be low profile. So much for being an oldbird. Mampus, sekarang aku pun dah jadi oldbird. Baik ah,thanks for reminding that i'm old. Wah dammit, 3.2 already. LAST semester.i thought that there's still so much time before yr 3 comes..i didnt really appreciate or treasure those great moments in tp. But i have to say, things were looking pretty bad at times and thats why i didnt really appreciate/treasure or even think about it much. But now i've realised alot of things and i want to appreciate and treasure every moment left in tp. i really regret for not doing so seriously and sincerely in the past years but whats the point of regretting now? No use if regret but never do anything about it. Alot went through my mind to make me realise these things but i've gone through them and lazy to write here. Its all at the back of my mind.

Just thinking about it..all camps and events i went to..
From the time i was pre-freshie/freshie up till now..
TPRawks 06.
FOC '07 - Kaistor.
Week 0 April '07.
TPRawks 07.
OTC '07 - Phantos.
FOW/C '08 - Phantos.
Week 0 April '08.
Engine Essential Ones (EEO) Camp.
Week 0 October '08.
Ashrae Storm 2 Camp.
OTC/W '08 - Zetten.
FOW/C '09 - Zetten.
Ashrae Ghastly Encounters Camp.
Beyond Boundaries Halloween Camp.
SME 'Facebook' Camp.

Okay i dont know what else to write.
This post became too long that i took days to type it and i have already forgotten what i actually wanted to say.
Nvm..

All the best and good luck to Hafiz and his group for MP judging..
All the best and good luck to those retaking the LTT exam..
Then hopefully, can jam..

Posted By Zul at 3:27 AM

i cant sleep
not able to sleep
keep thinking about you
no idea why of all people, you are the one
when i give it the 'just forget about it' mentality, you keep appearing in my mind
there's just something thats telling me to go on
i like you for who you are
some ask if the person is good-looking
i tell them..when you like someone, they will look the best no matter what
but of course the person is good-looking
altho i may not know you well
i want to know you better
to even feel this way, i had to deal with alot of shit within myself
its rather more to giving myself a chance
but i am totally aware of who i am
i'm not rich, i'm not charismatic, or whatever
all i have to offer is this pathetic honest and sincere heart
no wonder they told me i'm a loser

Blood will follow blood..

Posted By Zul at 3:06 AM