Neonixehertz.

23.10.07

The new semester has begun.

What the hell..school start already xia.
Let the good times of schooling role again..the crazyness,lazyness and stupidity of engineering students.Timetable's kinda crappy but ok la i guess.Just need some time to adapt to it..no use complaining and i'm not someone who complains like bla bla bla yak yak yak yada yada yada yabedi yabedi yahoo.Got sociology for cds.Dont know what the hell is that but sounds cool.At least i got a few friends and contacts in the same cds..can share and exchange notes.

Checked out some drum sticks yesterday.The ones that i wanted to get were gone. *$@#&* .Its alright..apart from not knowing how to even hold the sticks properly,found out that i cant even pull off some very very basic stuff.3 months of not jamming.i really hope i can play when we start jamming again.Sad but true.Haha,lol,lmao,rofl.

i dont know why i actually did it.dont ask me please.i know that i'm dumb but after all that,i realised how dumb i can actually be.But its okay..seriously,its alright.Because i know the reason why.Any you know why?Cos i wanted to make you and everybody else happy.Now you know it right?But whats the point?It was and have never been a big deal anyway.People asked why am i still doing it when you guys were just giving me shit-kind-of-treament.You wanna know why?Because i dont care.i dont give a damn.Give me all the shit-treament you want.i wont do the same unless i wanted to.Must a bad deed be repaid with a bad deed as well?That will just worsen things isnt it.And anyway i guess you never regarded me as a person.Its okay,you're not the first one to do it anyway.its okay if i suffer just to see others happy.let me tell you what.i'm willing to do so.i'm willing to make others happy although if it means i'm gonna live my life like an idiot.Its better to just have ONE idiot to be sad and ALL the others happy than ALL the others sad and only ONE idiot happy.Sorry,i'm not selfish as that.If nobody is gonna lose,i'll give in.But i guess even you yourself can see that sometimes when i try to be nice all i get back is much more worse.i dont blame anyone.not even Allah,no way.Like i said,must bad deeds be repaid with bad ones as well?If you think i'm being pessimistic,you're wrong again.i may be an idiot but i do have self-esteem and i know what i'm doing.If i dont,i would have been an idiot who is much worse although i do sometimes think why am i still being nice.Why didnt i just go crazy and treat anybody in any way that i want.Why didnt i turn into a bad fella.Maybe its because i've been too bad when i was much younger.And instead i just remained to be nice.Why?Because of this thing called patience.i dont wanna show it and do not have any intention of showing how much patience i have in me.You cant even hold on for a month..or weeks or even a day.I held on for years my friend..years.i realised that this shit has affected me alot in many ways.It has made me into somekinda idiot that i dont like.Over the years,i've been trying to make myself a better person but almost all that i've seen and been living in is just betrayal,disloyalty and dishonesty.And guess what,it all leads down to this important thing called trust.i guess thats why i find it hard to trust people of the same kind as you.You wouldnt want to know how it feels like to keep telling yourself to stay positive while almost everything in your life is just pulling you down the hole of doom.Its like a matter of life and death.i've been there but not anymore.Because i learnt one very important thing when it comes to you.Its no point regretting what happened especially when it isnt your fault.Do whatever you want.Make your decision and dont ever look back.That way,you'll live life better.And just to let you know,that positive-person in me will never die.Because i am him.It takes much more than you think to bring me down.i didnt want to write all the crap but i just thought that people like you maybe need to know more about simple things in life like this.

Anyway,i just bathed my nephew.Haha.Never knew that bathing a baby/toddler was so much fun.What a naughty fella..and with me who loves playing with water..lol.Luckily the toilet didnt get flooded.
LOL.

Posted By Zul at 11:03 AM