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|NxHz.|

Rhythm/Vocals - Afiz
Lead - Imran
Drums - Zul

040405
Unexplained Perspective

15.7.07

Dear Dear,

Hope you're doing fine.Honestly,I miss you.Although we just talked the other day (when was that;yesterday?thousand years ago?),I miss you already.Yeap,pathetic,I know.But thats me;pathetic.Not to mention how pathetic I am,all I do is just bottle up.What's the point if I say it out anyway.It doesn't make any goddamn difference.It seriously really don't.Why?Because I suck thats why.But this feeling/feelings' has driven and still driving me nuts.Wait,what is feelings anyway?I don't have any cos I'm such a heartless idiot.I'm so sorry for all the bad and not-good times.Times where I made a mess of you and your life.I'm still trying to be a better person (when did I ever start?) but is there any change?I don't know..seems like not.There's too many bad things about me.Thinking about it again,why did I change/want to change?What was it for?Was it for you?Was it for myself?Cos it seems like its pointless in me trying to be nice.Once people know you for being someone who's bad,they're gonna see you that way till the day they die.From my eyes and those who experienced this kinda thing before,we wonder why wouldn't they open their eyes for at least a moment to think and actually see the good side of someone who tries/tried to change for the better?Aren't they the ones who called us bad in the first place?Means that they must be good but it makes us wonder,are they really THAT good after all? It really test your patience and honestly,it makes you super damn f*cking sad that you're trying to do something good and other people just come in your way,shatters almost every hope that you have.It makes me sad makes me think and think and think and think too many times whether is there any good of me being a better person.It really puts you through a hell where you're stuck in between anger,sadness and patience.But I'm not asking people to really go find out about me or see how good or "good" I am.No,I'm not an attention seeker or a self-proclaimed idiot.If you want to know someone better,thats really up to you to go and do it or not.But still,thats how I learned to control my anger and become someone who is patient.From a time where someone heats me up,I'll be throwing stuff to them or hearing those @*%$&)#^%!) words coming out from my mouth..to where I'll do my very best to ignore them and tell myself deep inside that I must be patient..to now,where I can totally ignore and even push that anger aside.Sometimes I do still say out those @*%$&)#^%!) words and go crazy but trust me,thats nothing.For me,its just for fun..because there are other much more bigger things in my life that I can be angry with but am helpless in almost each and every one of them.I regret and am so sorry for treating you like a piece of crap.If you think why am I being so pathetic,thats the question I'll ask myself too.I don't know.I just am maybe..I know you're not interested in me but I'm like a stupid idiot hoping and hoping.Shiok sendiri la senang kata.I'm just so stupid..Why do I even have such feelings when its hard for me to have a special someone..I just have these problems which aren't small and they're part of the reasons why I can't or hard to have a special someone in my life.I just don't want to trouble you with my problems.No matter how hard I try to solve them,the outcome is trying to tell me that they can't be solved and have no way out.Each time I try to be optimistic,either something bad or really bad comes in my way and indirectly tells me thats there's no point of me doing all that.All I want to do is just to make things and life better for others,everyone else and finally myself.I feel happy when I see others happy.I feel good and at peace when I help someone.It makes me feel like I'm being myself.That is why I want to see you happy.It makes me happy as well.But isn't it stupid that I'm able to help others but having so much trouble just to help myself?Pathetic isn't it?One of the reasons why I am pathetic.Apart from that,we too have our differences and I guess its alot.I can't make you happy anyway.You have your own ways..I have mine.I hope you understand me now dear.I appreciate it alot if you do.Whatever it is,thank you very much for being my friend.I just want you to know that..
If you need someone to talk to,I'll spare some time just to talk.
If you need someone who cares for you,just to let you know;I care for you,alot.
If you need someone to share your happiness with,I'm there to see you jump in joy.
If you need any help for your problems,I'm willing to listen and hear you out.
If you need a shoulder to cry on,mine is yours for you.
If you need a friend or someone,I'm here and will be there for you.
Thats all I can say..
There's nothing more that I can offer except this pathetic heart of mine. (oh wait,i'm heartless in the first place)
That's it dear.
Nothing else to say..

Posted By Zul at 4:51 AM