Neonixehertz.

3.1.07

Happy New Year People.

What i'm about to write is what and how i feel abt nxhz.Unfortunately,i'm someone who is used to keeping everything inside without letting it out at all,which explains why i'm terrible bad at words.

Imran,this is for YOU.

You know what friend,you were being selfish on that fucktup rainy tuesday.First of all,if you really think you can't make it,just say no and not make others hanging onto hopes that you're coming.Yeah i mean you told us 11am-1pm.We called you at 430 and you were still at home and said you're nt coming.So there we were,stranded in the rain and not knowing where to go.I appreciate the fact that you bothered to sms us back by saying sorry.And i also thought that you were going to make up for it like maybe go jamming on some other day.But no,you didnt call,didnt sms,nothing.Must Hafiz and me be the ones always asking you to go out jamming?Are you serious in the first place?I'm not hoping nxhz. to be rock stars one day but this i guess is what you call basic ethique/ethic?I dont fucking know how to spell it so let me just say it in malay;pemikiran yang asas.BASIC STUFF in friendships and the way humans relate to each other.Thanks for all the financial aid you provided for the band but in the end if its LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW,ask yourself,is it worth it?

If i were you,even though if the band was not going to jam that day,i would have taken the trouble of going out to meet my band members although its raining to explain why i cant make it and maybe promise them that you will make up for it.

You didnt want to even miss the first day of school.Look at nadiah.She went to MI.But she said she wanted to go off half-way and she told me this; "I NEED AND WANT TO BE THERE FOR MY BAND".Wow,if only...nvm.At least she's not as selfish as you are.Fine,whatever i said may have been wrong.You're worried about your future.We're just pieces of shit cakes who cant bother.

Honestly,you gave hafiz and me one big blow and i'm super worried for hafiz.Ever since that day,he's been not interested in almost everything and the way he talks is like as if he has no more smangat.Well i dunno what's bothering him;may be some other problems but i'm sure he hates this feeling that i'm experiencing as well.Whatever it is i pray and hope the best for him.

Imran,whatever path that you choose,i respect your decision and i wish you luck in jc and life.You can hate me for being wrong if you want.

Personally about nxhz.,being together for more than a year means a lot to me.Thank you hafiz and imran for all the good times.Thanks to khai and seth for ever helping out on the bass.We did went through alot of shit;from the matter of adib to whats happened to the band.As a band,i've always regarded hafiz and you like my own brothers but i dont care if i dont get back the same treatment.I dont expect any special treatment.The most important thing in the band for me was my friendship with the two of us.Honestly,i'm actually scared to lose any of you and i'm also scared that whatever i say or do would provoke or turn off any of you guys.But,what can you expect out of me?Bullshit,exactly.Always getting stuck in the middle of stuff,all i want to do is just resolve things in a way that both sides would be happy eventually but in the end all i do is just mess things up and make it worse.I MAKE A MESS OUT OF ONE'S LIFE and that is why i am hated as a person.I know me,i fuck others' lives well.No matter how hard i try to have a thought for others,i will mess things up.And maybe the way i show my apprecation is not that welcoming or forth-coming enough.Although knowing the fact that i'm a jackass,i still bother to try to fix the shit cos Allah makes me believe that anything and everything can be better if TRY and DO,not just talk.All you need is just some patience,confidence and hope in yourself.When things are down for nxhz.,i would try to make the situation better altho it seems that there's no solution to it.When that happens,i feel like i'm all alone in the world trying to fix something which i dont know if its there in the first place.I feel as gay as wanting to cry because its like as if no one cares but i hate to give up and thats why i keep trying.But in the end,we still make it through.Thats one of the many wonderful things i like abt nxhz.

But look at it now.I duno wad to say la.I dun intend to say all these because i fear whatever i say will cause others to get angry and bla3 but if you guys ever doubted abt nxhz or me,i've written it all there.

To imran,
If you dont intend to be in the band anymore,i dont mind and am not angry.

To afiz,
Take care and hope your probs resolve soon.Be positive alright.

To both,
I appreciate EVERYTHING that we have. (maybe had)

Posted By Zul at 6:32 PM